trick or prick

Interesting name huh, ya i thought so to, sorry. Any ways, im actually in one of my good moods, for some reason. Maybe its because i realized i dont have to be the big shot that is a "some one" I dont know how i figured it out, i just got a message, i read it, and it had nothing to do with anything like this, it just made me feel better for some reason. God has weird ways of comforting us, mine was sent very weirdly, and now i will not go into detail about, but i can tell you this, i feel like im floating on a cloud of happiness, and it only goes up. Here is the great thing, IM NOT HIGH EITHER!!!! LOL not that i ever have been, but it seems like floating on a cloud would be a feeling you would get when your high, then again, i dont know what its like to be high so i am not really sure of that. Any way, so i guess things are looking up for me. Maybe god didnt want me to be the guy in the scenes, but the one behind them, running it, and making it work. So i will continue on this path i have been taking, except be happy while im doing it!!!! Thanks to those who helped me, especially the one who sent me the message, even though you probably dont read this, dont know me well, or know that you did it. It meant a lot!

12:05 A.M. thoughts

man, i really have to get some sleep, this is really sucking. My mind is running faster then ever, but i had such a normal, good day. So why? Why me, why again? Well i better get use to it cause it looks like its here to stay. Any way, here are my thoughts for tonight.

I want to live a normal teenage life, not this business oriented one. Is it good to start early? Well crap ya, do i want to, crap no. I get to see every one do awesome sports and hang out with friends when all i want to do is edit, and do other business like stuff. I want to be like everyone else, but i cant. My mind and heart wont let me. Now im trying to get my mind to shift, not completely change, but compromise half way in the middle. Im working on getting ready for soccer next year, and also trying to hang out with friends, but at the same time do editing and other stuff. Im finding out its not so easy. I also have to do school which really is the biggest one. Dang that school work!!! So if i have it all figured out, why am i still restless? Maybe because i still dont really have everything figured out. I still am watching some one live my old dream, im still watching a bunch of people live my old dream, my old chance i had, that now seems so pointless to start back up. So like i said earlier, i have to chase new dreams, new goals, new destinies. Hopefully they will work out.
Thanks for listening to my some what venting,
~simon

11:30 p.m. thoughts

As i once again desperately try to fall asleep, i can not. It has been this way for a while. I can't sleep, oh no, my mind has other thoughts, other plans,other ideas. I try to sleep but im constantly thinking, dreaming, wishing, praying, crying, etc. I don't really know why, well i do but i don't feel like posting it in public. But i don't know the whole reason. I recently found some one who grew up with the same opportunity as me, except theres fell through, mine crashed an burned! Now they are know by thousands, are on websites and online ads, and etc., as i sit here, still wondering what it would have been like for me if I to had been able to fall through with the opportunity. Now all hope for it is gone, and I must start a new dream, a new path, a new goal. I know it is bad to say something is never gonna happen, but this dream, this wish, it is so far from ever happening, so close to impossibleness. Now i am pursuing my new dream, my new goal, my new passion. But what is it that is missing. why is it that i still have doubts about this, or that i feel like its not satisfying enough. I am now going towards both goals, but it seems so hard, so long of a journey, so pointless in almost both directions now. My goals, my expectations for my self are so high, so hard, so unbelievable, that it is beyond what a 14 year old boy should be worrying, or caring, or thinking about. So why am i doing it, why do i continue to put my self through this. Is it because i like it or because it is just faith. No, it can't be, god wouldn't put me such pain and suffering, or is it a test? Is it a test to see how much i trust and love in him. Or maybe it is just my luck. I could greatly use your 2cents guys?

God gave us a chance.

Ok so for the first time ever i created a picture to go with my blog, which you will see at the bottom, so this means its important. God gave all of us a chance to be save our selves, well actually he saves us but close enough. That is done by baptism. Now you can't just get baptized and say "yay, im going to heaven" and be done with it. You still have to obey god, you still have to be a good Christian, you still have to be a good child.(and even you 70 year olds are children, so don't think im not talking to you) God wants us to go to heaven, that is why he died a horrible, and im sure painful, death for us. To forgive us and allow us into heaven. Now we have to hold up our end. So here is my question to you,
God is giving you the chance, are you gonna take it?

Darn critics

Ok so im getting pretty sick of criticism, oh and don't forget judgment. Because of me posting that blog about homosexuals, some one emailed me and accused me of being Gay because i was defending Homo's. IM NOT GAY!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't hate gays, I have a bunch of homo friends, but im not! If your gonna criticize me, i suggest you keep it to your self, or i actually prefer you keep it in front of my back. Just thought i might let those of you who want to criticize me know that. Please don't do it to my face, I don't like being rude, and I sure don't want to do it over the internet.

A "some one"

We all at some time want to be a "some one" as people say. A "some one" is a person that is famous, or well known. You see them all over websites or tv. There usually actors, musicians, fighters, models, etc. Well a lot of us don't get to become that "some one" we thought we would, or could be. I have always wanted to be a "some one', well that is till now. Yes I still would love to, but maybe its not gods will. Maybe no matter how hard I try, or you try, its not gonna happen. Not cause god hates you, but because he has other plans for you and I. So why is it we understand this, but still want it. I understand god may not want be to be a "some one" (even though we all are in his eyes) but I still have that urge to be one. I still get mad at my self for not being able to become that "some one", that person we want to be. For some of us we want to look better. Heck I would give anything to look like some other kids my age, but we can't. So why is it we beat our selves up for that to. 2 reasons, 1 we are human, 2 because as long as we aren't "perfect", we will want more. For me, its a hard thing to accept I might not, and probably wont be a "some one" or "good looking" and im trying to accept it, but its hard. And its not just me, there are a lot of others, heck maybe you who is reading this is the same way. We look at those people who "have it all", but to they really? Do the really have everything, happiness, love, joy, peace, kindness, etc. Some may, but not most. Im actually listening to a song right now that is probably the best one that relates to this topic. Its called "I could be", and I didn't even know there was such a song until i put the words in a search engine, then they it came up. Its a good song, and its true, look it up some times, I think its by The Naked Brothers Band.

Eye of the fighter

Ok now that I have some what recovered from my post yesterday, I think I can post a blog that doesn't have to do anything with me. I was on myspace and I don't remember exactly how I ran across this kids myspace, but when I say his default pic, it was this really short, young looking kid with muscles of a 20 year old and a 6 pack. So I went to his profile and checked it out, and little did I know, I was looking at a 11 year old boy who does Karate. This kid is built, has muscles that are unbelievable for a kid his age, and so many titles its not even funny. He has got some life ahead of him, and he has been a part of so many tournaments and lots of other things its hard to keep count. I bet you want to know his name huh. Well I referring to the 11 year old boy named Sage Northcutt. Man he is one cool kid. I went and watched the 2 videos he has on his myspace of him fighting, and some on his web site, and he lays those kids down in now time. When they say fight, he is already in front of the opponent taking his shot. He will lay them down like they where a stuffed animal. If you want to check him out, you don't even have to have a myspace, just click here, or click here and go to his website. Believe me, this kid is worth checking out and seeing what he can do!

making a step towards faith

Ok so today I sat through probably one of the most important services at church that I could possibly hear. It was about porn. The name of the service is "porn Sunday" and i know most of you think that is funny but it was a very serious topic to cover, and im glad they did. They told me to do 2 things. 1 is to admit to god that I have an issue with porn. 2 is to tell some one. Well I decided at first to tell no one. Then I decided to tell not some ONE, but every one.(well every one that reads this). No it is not a major problem. Not it is not a major addiction. But no, I shouldn't even look at it once. Porn, as they said at church, is a relationship crusher. It may not seem like it is hurting those around you, but when you listen to the stories of others like I did today, and you listen to the statistics, and the truth. It is a real shocker, a real eye opener, a real brain opener. So Now I have done the confession parts. There is one more step though. Its stopping. I am only gonna be asking 2 people to monitor me as far as what sites im going to. I will be using a software from xxxchurch.com. It is a cool software they have where you download it, and every 2 or 4 weeks(it is your choice) it send a list to the 1 0r 2 people you selected of all the sites you visited that month. Now as they told me at church, DON'T go and ask some one who isn't going to help. Also another thing, for most of you who read this, I guarantee that maybe, just maybe, 3 or 4, maybe 5 of you will not have an issue. But this software will guarantee you wont visit those sites, unless you really want those people receive that list to know that you are visiting them. There is no cheating it, and if you do find a way, than the only person you are cheating is yourself, not some one else, but your self. Your also cheating god in a way. You cheating him by not following through on staying pure. So do the right thing, stop those bad habits, get rid of those magazines, those pictures on your computer, those websites, and the hardest one of all, those thoughts. That is probably what will be my hardest struggle, and possibly yours to. So do your self a favor, get some one to hold you accountable for being pure. Click the link above, it will take you straight to the download page, download it, and take a step toward being sexually pure. I wont be able to take back what I have done, but I can correct it now, and try and make up for it. If you catch it early, it may be easier to stop then it will 20 years from now when your wife wants to leave you cause you look at porn. You may not believe that is gonna happen, but from the stories i have heard today, and in the past, you would be amazed. If you haven't looked at porn yet, then that is AWESOME, keep it that way. Take every step and measure of caution to make sure it doesn't happen. Don't make the mistake that millions have, including me. I was lucky enough to have my church talk about it and help me change my ways, you can do the same. If I can send this not only to my parents, friends, family, and church members, also post it on myspace. I think the least you can do is confess to one person. whether it be your friend(a trustful one), a parent, sibling, church paster, or even if you really like me enough,lol, than me. But don't continue to do it. Don't continue to keep it a secret till it is to late. Stop it while you can. I know I am sort of repeating the same thing, but I could probably repeat it a thousand times and some of you still not get it. Any way, thats it for now. Thanks for listening, or reading, what ever.

Wrong way?

Ok so the title probably threw you off a bit, but im addressing homosexuality for those who didn't get it. Now i have been debating on whether to post this one put once I saw Jason's blog on it(one of my pastors at my church) i figured what the heck. Now here is my opinion on the subject. So as creepy as it may sound and seem I actually did a little research on it which was hard to do with out pictures on the pages which sucked but I wanted to know a bit more. Now most sites aren't accurate so I also read some blogs that I ran across of some people who like the same sex. Its interesting to hear there side of it. Some say the urge, temptations, and feelings just came to them after a few years. Some where born with it. Others just started doing it for no real reason. Those who where born with the it don't always like it, but find it hard to change once started. One said
"I never choose to be gay, it was the way I was brought up. I was born with these thoughts. Now that I understand most of it, I don't want to be this way any more, but it is hard to change the way I act."
Some don't even have a choice, they get raised that way. Is it fair that we criticize them? Is it fair we don't accept them? You can think what you want, but this is another one of those moments where people need to mature a bit and start accepting people for who they are. Its not always there choice to be who they are, just like it wasn't yours to be who you where. You where born the way you where born. That was gods intentions. I'm not saying god made you gay, cause that I don't know, and neither do you so don't say you do, cause unless god met you for lunch today, I'm pretty sure he didn't tell you.

The deep cut!

Well im sure most of you reading this have seen my earlier post on stereo types. Well I am going to be sort of going back into that right now. I just found out that one of my friends cuts, which was actually really scary. Its weird that people cause pain to them selves, in yet believe it relieves emotional pain. Now i don't know if that is true or not cause I haven't tried it and don't plan to, but it seems strange. Now im not calling them emo as every one else would(or almost every one), im just zeroing in on that one topic. It really pains me to see that my friends are so... depressed, that they have to create physical pain to stop the emotional pain. Now not all of my friends do that but a few say they do, and a few I have seen proof of(what does that tell you about my judgment of friends?) Maybe im drawn to those in pain, in yet its weird that i would be because I don't usually, or cant usually help them. I just wanted to bring this up, like I said earlier, this is just a place for me to post my thoughts, and you to give feedback if you feel like it.

To fast, So gone

Okay so this isn't one of those me make a point blogs, which is a first but then again i have only posted 2 blogs and now this one. For those of you in school right now, is it just me or is this year going by fast. Its amazing how fast high school goes by. Its already 9 weeks into school for us down here in the south. To me, thats awesome, but then again I look at my grades and wish for a little bit more time to fix them. lol. I just wanted to see if it was just me or is the year really going by fast.

the lion, the witch, and the stereo type.

Today was a interesting day in my civics class. After my class finished our 100 question test we had 30 minutes of free time. Now our teacher is awesome and likes to hang out with us, and he happened to be near my group of friends and me. So my friend made a joke and starting making cutting motions on his wrist and started sining "one little two little, three little birthdays...." So then another one of my friends started saying that people always accuse people who have wrist bands to be emo people because they cut, which really amused my teacher cause he said he will never be able to look at some one with a wrist band the same, but isn't it funny how we are categorized into groups? I mean, there is emo's. nerds, goths, preps, ect. Why don't we try the group "human beings" out for a change? i mean come on, ya we are not all the same, ya we don't dress the same, ya we don't do the same things or like the same things, but does that mean we should be separated into groups, and some that are not so good meaning. Take for example goths, So if you wear black, like vampires, like blood, and like wearing chains, your a goth. NO!!!!! it means you like that stuff. I know one of the nicest guys on this planet and all he wears is black, not because he is goth, but because he likes the color. People need to grow up a little and start accepting people for who they are, and what they like to do our wear. Emo's is another interesting one. Those who are emotional, like to wear black again, are depressed most of the time, and also cut them selves are considered emo. Well ten minutes ago i tripped and accidentally got a cut from the bed, also i like to wear black some times, so i guess im emo. I guess girls who are on there periods once or twice a month when they get all emotional are emo for those few days? Does any of that really make sense to you, when you think about it? I think some people need to wake up and smell the reality, not the coffee cause they do that every day and its not helping much, they need to just smell the reality, maybe register some of it to. And about what i said yesterday when i said i like to argue, i think i missed worded that. the point of this blog is for me to get my thoughts and feelings out, and for you to give your feedback and opinions on that topic. It will help me for sure, and who knows, maybe it will help you. Good night for now,
Simon

My life intro

Well i guess there isnt much interesting about my life, just a semi normal life. Of course there are so many things that no one knows about me and I mean no on but me and god. We all do though don't we? If your some one that isn't keeping something from every one, then you post a comment here telling me that cause i so want to meet you, cause i don't believe it. We live in a world where that something will haunt us and will make it seem like we are not good enough to be with every one, or we are strange, or different, or we wont be accepted by society, am i not right? Why is it we live in such a judging society? Is that the way god made us, is that what he wanted us to be, judge mental. I doubt it. Why can we not accept people for who they are, no matter there race, there hair color, the knowledge level, there sexuality (yes god doesn't want guys to like guys and girls to like girls, in relationship way, thats why he made man and woman, but he still forgives us) Why cant we get along. Oh ya thats right, cause were all selfish, were all, if you think about it, jack asses in our own ways(yes i cussed, its a word though and it is the truth, so stop being immature about it) that is another thing, what is the deal with cuss words man, there words that man went and said, oh well that means your garbage, that means your not worth anything, ect. WHAT THE CRAP! its a dang word that you made sound bad. NOTE: the following sentence may not be "good" or "clean" to you, sorry, this is my blog and im not forcing you to read it, this is my opinion area. Fuck is another word for sex, we made it mean something worse. bitch is another word for a female dog, we made it seem like a bad word. bastard is some one with out a dad, we made it seem like a bad word. Jack ass is another word for donkeys butt, we made it seem like a bad word. Tell me, what is a bad word, a word you don't like. Well i don't like the word "the" so is it a bad word? NO! Its a dang word. People need to stop being so.... so.... i dont even know the word. Any way as you can see this will be a very debatable blog, please debate all you like, i love debating and i sometimes wonder if i should be a lawyer, then i remember that i would probably either make the judge commit suicide, or have my self removed from the court because i will go into so much detail and get off track some times easily, i am a man who will speak what i think(well on here any way) with out a care, so i welcome debate as Courtney Boyd would say. WELCOME TO MY BLOG. enjoy